I'm Misofist (she/they), a proud non-binary trans woman, activist, kinkster, and amateur pornographer. I mostly write about trans issues, kink, and polyamory. You can find me on Fediverse as @Misofist@girlcock.club. If you'd like to buy some porn, check out my C4S store.
I used to hate penises, especially my own. I was the stereotypical “I’m so straight I even hate my own penis” meme. I fantasised about getting bottom surgery before I ever thought about being trans.
Today marked my 1 year anniversary on cyproterone. My 1 year tranniversary. My first rebirthday. I started estrogen more than a year ago, but cyproterone is when the real changes started so it’s where I’m choosing to define the start of my transition. I have now known what it feels like to really be alive for one year.
Back when I was closeted, one day my sister got home from getting her haircut, and she was absolutely distraught. The hairdresser had cut her hair too short.
Putting my makeup on is always such a rollercoaster. It’s like:
If you’re transfem, how do you refer to your young pre-transition self? Here are some options:
Recently I’ve been feeling kind of gross. I think I’ve lost some confidence in myself and my appearance. When I look in the mirror it’s harder and harder to see a woman. I’ve become critical of my hair, my face, my stomach, all things I had started to feel good about. I’ve been unusually pessimistic about voice training, despite making good progress.
My gf and I are both relatively early in our transitions. When we started dating (about 6 months ago) I’d been on HRT for a couple of months and she’d been on it for around a year.
I think there’s something very magical and exciting about dating someone during this stage of their life. Every now and then you see them after some time apart and get excited because their skin got smoother or their tits got bigger or their gock got cuter. You can watch as their face softens, and as their self-esteem grows.
And having someone to notice these same things about you and tell you about them is amazing too.
I had a dream that I was arguing fiercely with my dad about something but mid-argument he called me by my chosen name for the first time. And I had this weird mix of being angry / fired up still for whatever we were arguing about, but also feeling really pleased at the effort he was making, and thinking what a touching way it was to subtly remind me how much he cares about me even when we are arguing.
And now that I’m awake and know it didn’t happen I’m having a tough time processing it.
Like I don’t think I’d ever get angry at someone for something they did in a dream, but it’s a bit harder to disregard positive feelings I have from a dream. I don’t know if I want to discard them. Let me cling to the unreality.
The most recent time I caught up with my dad, the first thing he said to me was “Well the breasts are coming along nicely”. Uhhhh thanks dad.
I’m seeing a speech pathologist for voice feminisation, I had my second session today. He told me I need to practice meowing and nyaaing.
