This post is intended for an adult audience.
You are cordially invited to a Doggy Dayspa!
Where: [a town near you]
When: [idk, you make it happen]
What: Doggy Dayspa is an event for creatures and their owners to socialise in a friendly, relaxing environment. (Strays & self-owned pets welcome! )
Runsheet:
11am - Puppy Socialisation
Is your puppy shy around others? The puppy socialisation session is intended to provide a calm environment to help gently acclimatise your dog to other guests. All pets must be leashed. (Self-leashing OK!)
This is a chance for owners to encourage their pets to learn the scents of other pets. This is also a great opportunity for owners to have casual chats with like-minded individuals.
12pm - Puppy Potluck
Unlike most potlucks, guests are encouraged to bring two dishes to this one: one for humans and one for pets. Well-behaved pets may be off-leash during this activity.
1pm - Grooming
The namesake of the event, this is the time to pamper your pooch. The shining sun, the slippery soap suds, and chilly water from a hose; what more could a puppy want?
Volunteers will be available to provide grooming for strays, self-owned pets, or lazy owners.
We provide the hose. BYO soap & towel.
NOTE: Please consider removing your pet’s clothes and/or hood. We don’t want the ruined clothing or waterboarded puppies.
2pm - Obedience Training
Turn your dog into the perfect little pet! Our team of expert trainers will be available to teach you some tricks for getting your pet to behave the way you want.
Unlike most obedience training courses, we encourage the use of shock collars. This is an inclusive space for (consensual) animal abuse. BYO disciplinary tools.
3pm - Shows & Trials
All shows are FOR FUN. There are no prizes and no judging, because all pets are beautiful and they cannot possibly be compared.
In the interests of time, we will be running three shows simultaneously. Your pup may participate in as many or as few shows as you wish. Time permitting, you may participate in the same show multiple times. (Make sure everyone gets a turn first though!)
Agility - We will have an obstacle course set up with a tunnel, weaving poles, see saw, and a jump.
Endurance - This is a chance to show off to a crowd how much pain can your puppy take without showing signs of undue stress.
Conformation & Obedience - We know that you think your pet is pretty/handsome, this is your chance to show us. Give your pet commands to exhibit its best features to an audience. (Pet clothing discouraged)
5pm - Wind down
After a huge day your dog may be a little exhausted. The wind down will allow your pup (and you) a chance to rest in a chill social environment. A light dinner will be provided. Owners should BYO alcohol. A communal dog bowl will provide alcoholic punch for pets.
Movies will include Oddball (2015) and Isle of Dogs (2018).
9pm - Home time
9pm - ██████████ ████ (by invitation only)
Addendum
This post exists because I thought about being naked on all fours outdoors on concrete while someone lovingly soaps me up and then blasts me with freezing cold water from a hose and chastises me for pulling at my leash and it made me unbearably horny.
