Today marked my 1 year anniversary on cyproterone. My 1 year tranniversary. My first rebirthday. I started estrogen more than a year ago, but cyproterone is when the real changes started so it’s where I’m choosing to define the start of my transition. I have now known what it feels like to really be alive for one year.

I remember only a couple of days after I took my first cyproterone tablet I went for a bushwalk with two close friends. And I remember appreciating the world anew. I remember feeling the warmth of the sun, feeling the breeze against my skin, feeling the burn of my muscles, feeling the satisfying breathlessness of exertion. And I remember for the first time feeling a true joy from these sensations. Realising that my whole life up until that point I’d been numb, perpetually mildly dissociative.

I’d thought I was happy, but only because I had no idea how happy it was possible to be. My frame of reference was wrong.

I remember taking a selfie wearing my friend’s cap, and liking what I saw in the camera. My face obviously hadn’t changed in only 2 days, but the way I perceived myself had.

And now, 1 year later, when I woke up this morning, halfway through getting dressed, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I thought “damn I look hot”. And this wasn’t because I was thinking about the 1 year milestone or anything. It’s a regular occurrence. I think this every time I look in the mirror. One year ago I was talking to my therapist about how much I hated mirrors, and now I’m vain.

I love HRT, I love my body, I love my face, I love my hair, I love the way my brain feels, I love my ass, I love my thighs, I love my tits, and I love myself. What an incredible year it’s been.