I’ve been thinking for a while about my sexuality and how I’d define it. And honestly with all the complexities of identity and presentation, I kinda think it’s impossible to come up with an objective definition for lesbian attraction that includes everyone who would want to be included and excludes everyone who would want to be excluded. Let alone whether that 100% accurately matched whatever it is in my brain that decides whether someone is attractive to me or not.
And I’ve come to realise that it doesn’t really matter. I have a non-binary transmasc friend who knows I think they’re hot. If he was upset that I (a self-described lesbian) felt this way they’d let me know and of course I’d hide it. But they aren’t upset, he’s just happy another person thinks they’re hot.
And similarly, if a lesbian isn’t attracted to me, I’m ok with that. I’m kinda aware that some lesbians won’t be attracted to me due to some of my more masculine attributes. Their attraction doesn’t invalidate my identity, as long as they don’t say anything mean or transphobic.
Sexualities are just labels, they’re tools to be applied as useful but limited oversimplifications of the complex reality. We can describe ourselves with something that’s close enough and leave the exact boundaries a bit blurry.
(And if I’m feeling like being precise, I’d call myself an omni-lesbian because I think it makes this fuzzy border in my attraction an explicit part of my orientation)
